


All the letters that I wrote to you

by CustardCreamies



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 13:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12110190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/pseuds/CustardCreamies
Summary: Sebastian spends the summer break at Kimi's home after the Hungarian Grand Prix.





	All the letters that I wrote to you

**Author's Note:**

> So I had this idea one morning and wanted to write it. There's an important author's note at the end. 
> 
> Title is from Michael Ball's song "Home"

When Kimi had invited Sebastian to spend summer break in his house in Finland, Sebastian had instantly agreed.

Sebastian needed to get away from it all and Kimi’s house was just the place to go and hide from the world.

Kimi met him at the airport and the two drivers flew on Kimi’s private plane to Finland.

Once the plane landed, Kimi hired a rental car and drove them through the tree lined roads to his home.

* * *

 

Sebastian leans his head against the cool glass and watches the trees flash past, feeling himself relax.

Finland was a beautiful country and the snow lined woodlands flashing past the window made Sebastian smile. He had forgotten how amazing everything was here.

Kimi glances at Sebastian from the corner of his eye. “Feeling okay?”

Sebastian jolts at the sound of his voice and looks at him. “Huh?”

“You seem distant, are you feeling okay?” He pauses. “You know I’m not mad right?”

“Yeah…I’m fine. Sorry. And I know you’re not mad…” He reaches across and gently takes Kimi’s hand from where he had rested it between them, driving with one hand on the wheel.

Kimi’s lips twitch in a small smile and he gives a tiny nod. He knew what the gesture meant. He still remembered the moment Sebastian took his hand gently, squeezing it to reassure himself that they were still okay. They were, of course, but Sebastian had wanted to know if their friendship was still intact.

For Kimi, nothing short of Sebastian actively telling him to leave would ever make him stop being his friend. Their bond was just too deep to ever throw away over a race.

Sebastian squeezes his hand and then lets it drop, going back to looking out the window.

Kimi gave a tiny sigh and flicked the indicator on. “We’re almost there.”

Sebastian sits up a little in his seat, watching for his first glimpse of the small cottage hidden among the trees.

The cottage had once been a wreck, abandoned to nature by the previous owners. But Kimi had bought it and had fixed it up during the summer break of 2009. He was proud of his work and loved the little cottage. The fact that it was so desolate and miles away from the nearest town suited him down to the ground. It was an escape for him, and one he was more then willing to share with Sebastian.

Sebastian looked out of the window eagerly. The cottage looked the same since he had last visited, back when he had only one Championship and the Finn besides him had just began his rallying career. It had been a good summer.

Kimi drives to the door and stops the car, getting out with Sebastian following.

Sebastian looks around and breathes in the fresh cold air. It feels like home.

“I uh, have a confession to make.” Kimi says as he opens the front door and they walk inside. 

“Oh?” Sebastian asks as he looks around, breathing in the fresh pine smell and looking at the inviting fireplace.

“I haven’t cleared out the spare room. So you have the privilege of helping me clear the crap out.” Kimi says, smiling when Sebastian groans softly.

“Fine. Fine.” Sebastian sighs. “I suppose it will warm me up.”

“You can put the fire on.” Kimi says. “I’ll make some tea and we can get a head start. The sooner we clean it up, the sooner you can unpack and settle down.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Sebastian nods as he heads to the fireplace, grabbing the matches to light the fire.

Kimi watches him for a second, before heading into the kitchen to make tea.

* * *

An hour later and the two of them make their way upstairs, Kimi talking all the while which surprised Sebastian.

“I know I should have done it sooner, but truth be told I couldn’t be bothered.” Kimi shrugs.

“It’s fine.” Sebastian chuckles as they walk to the spare room.

“Are you ready for this?” Kimi asks as he places a hand on the handle.

“Open it.” Sebastian grins.

Kimi does and Sebastian gasps when he sees the state of the room.

There is stuff littered all around the room and boxes are stacked everywhere he looks.

Kimi rubs a hand over his neck, looking guilty. “Yes…this is a lot.”

“It is.” Sebastian nods, he turns to him. “But we can do this together.”

Kimi nods and looks around the room. “Now, where do we start?”

* * *

Two hours later and only half of the room was finished, both drivers were hot and tired.

“I don’t think we’ll be done tonight.” Kimi gets out, breathing hard.

“It’s okay. I’ll take the couch.” Sebastian says gently.

“No…let me take a break and we can get back to it.” Kimi says quickly. “You’re not sleeping on the couch, you’re my guest.”

“It’s fine, Kimi.” He smiles gently.

“No. Give me ten minutes and we can continue.” Kimi says stubbornly.

“Kimi-” Sebastian tries, but one look from the Finn cuts his words off. “Okay fine, we’ll take a break and return to this.”

Kimi nods. “Good. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” And with that, the Finn left to go take a quick nap in his room.

Which left Sebastian to explore the treasure trove of boxes.

In one box he finds a worn and threadbare teddy bear. Most of the stuffing was missing and he only had one eye, but Sebastian could tell this was Kimi’s childhood teddy and it made the him smile to imagine a toddler Kimi with the bear.

In another box he found some old trophies, dusty and unloved. It made Sebastian sad to see. He picked one of them up curiously and found it was from 2009. From Spa. It was the trophy Kimi had won when they had shared their first podium together.

Kimi had been so distant and sad that season, unhappiness clear on his face. He had been agitated and withdrawn, sharing no sign of ease even in Sebastian’s presence. It was almost a blessing when Kimi had told Sebastian he was leaving. He didn’t like Kimi being in F1 if it made him this miserable. Kimi should never be miserable and Sebastian had felt like he had failed his best friend when even he couldn’t make him smile.

He keeps going through the box, looking at the trophies curiously, until he comes across a slip of paper buried at the bottom. 

Sebastian frowns and pulls it out, finding it to be an envelope. it was slightly yellow and crumpled.

.....and had his name on it written in Kimi’s handwriting.

Sebastian pauses and looks at it. Wondering what it was.

Carefully he opens the envelope and pulls out the piece of paper inside of it.

It was a letter.

A letter from Kimi to him dated in 2009.

The letter went like this.

_Seb._

_As you know. I am leaving. It is no big surprise to you of course at this point. You know how miserable and unfulfilling the sport has been for me this season. I am finding no joy in racing anymore._

_But there is one thing in this entire Paddock that brings me joy. You._

_You make me smile and laugh like I haven’t done in years. You’re my best friend and I’m such a fucking coward that I cannot even tell you this to your face._

_The truth is, I’m in love with you. I have been for a while now, but I’ve been too scared to admit it to you or to myself. You’re the only reason I want to stay. I’d stay in a heartbeat if you asked me to. But I know you won’t. You’ve been a good friend to me. You treated me like a normal person. Not the Iceman. You liked me and saw the real me._

_I hope you do well in the future. I really do. You deserve to be a Champion. You’re talented and driven and so warm and funny. Fuck, I’ve fallen hard for you._

_I’m planning to give you this letter after the final race, so when you finally read it I will be gone, not knowing how you feel. Maybe it’s for the best I don’t find out how you feel about me. If you broke my heart and rejected me I don’t think I could take it._

_So maybe I will slip this letter in your bag and maybe I won’t. I don’t know yet. I just had to tell you somehow._

_Yours, if you feel the same._

_Kimi._

When he’s finished, Sebastian cannot see through the tears streaming down his face. He holds back a sob and goes to put the letter back in the envelope, his hands shaking.

“What are you doing?” Kimi’s voice is questioning and calm and Sebastian whips round in a panic, the letter in his hand.

Kimi takes one look at the letter and he pales. “You..you read it…”

Sebastian wipes at his eyes, trying to compose himself.

“Seb….I’m sorry…I …I was sad and miserable and alone and I wanted so…so much to tell you..I couldn’t do it…please..ignore that letter..don’t hate me.” Kimi’s voice shakes.

Sebastian shakes his head and stands up, the letter clutched in his hand. He quickly makes his way to Kimi and without a word, kisses him passionately.

Kimi is shocked, but not shocked enough not to respond. He kisses him back, melting into the kiss he has wanted for so long.

Sebastian whimpers and kisses him deeply, pressing him up against the door, his hands cupping his face and kissing him like Kimi was air Sebastian needed to breathe. 

When they part, Kimi has tears in his eyes and it sets Sebastian crying again, gently wiping at Kimi’s tears.

“Why…you’ve loved me for all this time and never told me?” Sebastian says in a shaking voice.

“I didn’t want you to hate me.” Kimi replies hoarsely, trying not to cry. His hand is gripping Sebastian’s shirt tightly and Sebastian kisses his forehead gently, his hand reaching for Kimi’s and threading their fingers together.

“I could never ever ever hate you.” Sebastian says softly. “And I love you too, you complete idiot. I love you so much.”

Kimi openly sobs and kisses him again, not stopping.

Sebastian hums into the kisses, kissing him lovingly. His lips leave his for a second, making Kimi whine unhappily, but then Sebastian is kissing his jaw and then down his neck, making Kimi moan.

“We need to make up for all the lost time.” Sebastian whispers as his lips trail up his neck and to his earlobe, gently nibbling it.

Kimi lets out another moan and nods his head gently. “Yes..we do…”

Sebastian smirks and moves to look at him, his blue eyes deep and dark and Kimi shivers at the gaze being directed at him.

“We can start now.” Sebastian almost purrs, his hand trailing down Kimi’s chest. “We don’t need to clear this room out now, do we?” He asks mischievously as he goes back to leaving kisses on his neck.

“No..fuck..Sebby..no.” Kimi groans and Sebastian chuckles.

“Well then…” He lifts his head and places a gentle kiss to his lips. “Let’s go to your room and start making up for all these years.”

Kimi nods eagerly and, with his hand still in his, he drags Sebastian out of the spare room and towards his own.

It’s safe to say Sebastian spends the rest of the holiday in Kimi’s room, and nowhere else.

**Author's Note:**

> I say this at the end of every chapter but now I feel like I'm yelling at the void. Please. Please leave comments. I don't even care if you don't kudo at this point. I'm tired of seeing good authors feel like they have to give up because no one is kudoing or commentating anymore. It's absolutely disheartening to see "crickets" when I post something sometimes and it makes me not want to write anymore. It takes time I don't have anymore to write something and when I see nothing I feel very drained and ugh. It also breaks my heart when people feel like they want to quit when no one comments. Even a "this was great!" would do! 
> 
> Please. Please comment or kudo. It means everything to a shy and anxious person like me who sometimes genuinely feels not good enough and wants to quit.


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